I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
