Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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