careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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