Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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