well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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