Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
