i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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