Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
