the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
