Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
