Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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