I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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