Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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