so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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