I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
