i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
