And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
