Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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