He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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