I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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