I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize