i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
