I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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