textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
