Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
