I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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