i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we made out on top of his cat.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
