Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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