I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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