he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize