normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
