Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
