Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
