kristin has been a bad kristin
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
