Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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