She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
