mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
is it fun? or sober?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize