bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
