Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
