went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize