my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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