Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
