I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
