Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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