Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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