i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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