he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just high enough for therapy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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