He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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