Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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