wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
