My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize