Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
