I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
