Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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