Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
