I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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