I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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