I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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