I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
