..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
