Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
