I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
