Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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