just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
