My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
