guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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