It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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